Good Riddance 2017

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and a happy New Year.

Sorry it's been awhile since my last post, but this time of the year is super busy and there has been a lot going on.

My newest, gorgeous nephew Grant was born December 29th and I promise to dedicate a whole post to him and how special he is soon.  I just want to say, it was an amazing experience that I am blessed to have been a part of.  And he is absolutely perfect.

I have decided 2018 is going to be a better year for my family and I.  It has to be.  So I am definitely following the "out with the old, in with the new" motto. 

2017 was one of the most horrible years for me.  Especially the last 6 months.  Although, Grant definitely was the light right at the end.  I feel like this past year has been a whirlwind of emotions, me not feeling myself, and just a lot of sadness.  In July I had a miscarriage.  In October I found out I was pregnant again.  This time everything seemed perfect.  We saw a great heartbeat and for minute we let ourselves get excited.  A little too excited though because as I was planning gender reveals and names, my body was having another miscarriage.  12/14/17 I had a miscarriage for a second time, in a row, and have been heartbroken ever since. 

Maybe one day I will feel as comfortable as I did before, posting my whole story, but for right now I just wanted to write.  To get it out all out so I can start this new year, fresh.  Not that I am trying to forget, trust me I can't and am definitely not ready to.  Every day I wonder why.  Why, when they say it's uncommon to miscarry in a row did it happen?  Why did we get our hopes up so high when we saw a heartbeat if it was all going to end up like this?  Why do I feel even worse this time around?

I know I won't get answers to a lot of that.  And I will have to be ok with that.  Eventually I will move on and know that it all happened for a reason, but right now it's so hard to think that way. 

However, my mom keeps telling me that we are focusing on me for awhile.  And I have decided that is going to be what 2018 is about.  Me and my family.  I haven't felt myself for awhile and I plan on figuring out everything, restoring my soul, getting my life back in order, and doing what is best for me and my family. 

I am definitely not writing this to be negative.  Trust me I know that while 2017 is a year I would like to forget, there were good things.  I have a very healthy wonderful little boy who I have gotten to watch grow this past year.  And like I said, Grant really helped end the year on a positive note. 

I wrote this to clear my head and really help me start fresh in 2018 because I WILL make this year better for me and my family. 

So goodbye 2017.  Hello 2018. I am ready for some change.